No More Tequila
by ShyAnon
Summary: Dante and tequila don't mix.  And so now he has to set the scales right again with a town he almost destroyed during one of his binges. You just know he was drunk dialing Vergil when he made it back to his hotel... Oneshot!


**Hello! This is my first oneshot. This doesn't have any bearing on anything within the DMC world other than it involves Dante, known enemies, and mention of other canon characters. There is no reason to this other than the idea came to me, and I felt like putting it down somewhere in the midsts of working on my other story.**

_**Constructive **_**criticism is welcomed. I hope you guys enjoy this, because I certainly had fun writing it!**

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Dante groaned slightly as he tried not to fall over. He was leaning against the trunk of a tree, blood seeping from a deep gash at his side. He could smell his own blood, and he could smell the blood of the thing he'd just laid to rest. He felt tired, but pleased as he leaned back.

He was in the middle of no where with grassy hills and nature spread out before him. He had heard the town's folklore about a creature that lurked in the woods. He hadn't believed it though, considering most of these "sightings" were humans with over active imaginations.

However, he owed a favor to the town. He cringed as he remembered a bit of what he'd done while passing through a few years back. In a drunken stupor he had caused quite a bit of damage. Was it his fault if a few windows had been broken? Some furniture, the old player piano, a couple glasses, a couple horses... He still hadn't figured that one out yet... And of course there was the bar fire. But, other than that… Hadn't the church caught on fire too somehow? He shrugged it off, couldn't really remember anymore. He remembered one thing though. He would never drink that brand of tequila ever again.

So he had come to see if he couldn't put the town's mind at ease about what they were calling the Red Eyed Devil. Surely they hadn't meant him? He grinned. But what he found wasn't just another random act of practical jokes. Animals had been mutilated, and unfortunately a young child had been scarred for life after being attacked by something he was too afraid to speak of.

The problem was that the only main road coming in and out of the small town ran through the forest this thing had made its home in. At first, it only attacked at night, but it had gotten bold and had attacked a supply truck as it made its way to deliver its wares. Despite all that had occurred, the mayor had known enough about Dante's..."credentials" to know he could help. And it was either he fought the beastie, or he owed them a considerable amount of money. Hadn't taken him long to choose which suited him better.

He'd staked out the woods for 3 nights, but never seemed to come across the damn thing. He was beginning to wonder if maybe it wasn't just some wild dog with a mean streak. That was, until tonight.

He had been camping out, hoping his fire would attract whatever this thing was. He was right. He heard the rustle from behind him as he crouched over the fire to settle more logs there. He could sense its fowl breath on the air, its tainted stench of blood and decay. He pretended not to notice it and continued about building the fire, making it larger. He heard a familiar noise, a high pitched giggle.

Dante leapt from the spot as a Sin Scythe suddenly tore up from the ground he had been sitting on. It laughed maniacally at him, flexing the scythe in its hand. The eyes were glowing, burning red under the black hood as they bore into his.

Dante pulled his blade from his back and slashed out at the creature, who met him each time. By the third try Dante jumped over her as she made to cut him in half, missing him by inches. He slammed his boots hard onto her shoulder and she let out a scream. As he made to leap off he felt her swing towards him, and her scythe sliced at his ribcage. He was too in the moment to really care.

He truly hated these things. Why couldn't it have been something else more...enjoyable? He huffed as he turned back to her, but she had disappeared again. "Shit." Dante uttered as the scythe came like a boomerang for him. He ducked backwards, smirking as he saw his face briefly reflected in the blade as it passed close to the tip of his nose. He heard her laugh again as she caught her blade on the rebound, lovingly caressing it as she gazed at him.

"Sorry, you're not my type" Dante said with a boyish smile as he stood again. Her mouth contorted into what he guessed was a smile, but her teeth were so jagged and yellowing. He could smell her foul scent again. "Damn… You fugly"

At this she laughed again and disappeared. Dante prepared for her attack, but instead of coming from the ground she dropped down on him from above. Their blades met as she pressed it down, closer to Dante's throat. He coughed as she breathed on him, yellow saliva dripping from her gaped mouth onto his face.

"Now that's just disgusting!" He felt the bile at the back of his throat, but held it at bay. He reached upwards to push her blade back with all the strength left in him. _What a bitch! _Somehow paying back his debt to the town using money seemed better than letting this bitch any closer to him. He'd make sure to have them pay for his dry cleaning as soon as he got back. _Nasty..._

Dante reached up and punched her square in the face, and it seemed to daze her. He reached down and grabbed Ivory with one hand, while his other concentrated on keeping her blade off his jugular. He put the gun over rebellion and shot a hole through those stained teeth. She wailed in pain, moving off him and holding her face. Dante jumped up and ran at her full speed. He put all his weight into it and pushed her into the fire. She screamed as the flames engulfed her robes.

Dante continued with a barrage of shots while she roasted in the flames. She was trapped in agony, and soon she was nothing more than a hissing pile of ash. He had shot at her a few more times just to make sure. These things had an alarming habit of getting back up.

It was only after he'd defeated her that he realized there was a stinging pain in his side. He never could focus on much else in the throws of battle. But he had been rolling in dirt, and of course he was covered in thick, syrupy monster spit. He cringed and had sat down at the tree, watching the flames.

He pulled a bottle of alcohol from his pack, considered drinking it, and then poured it over his wound instead with a grunt of pain. He didn't need to be beholden to this town again.

He wiped the sweat from his brow and put the bottle against his forehead. It wasn't cold, but it felt cool against his skin. He would need a few hours to let his wound heal properly, as he didn't have the strength to walk the few miles back to town now. If he'd stayed closer to the road he would've brought his motorcycle, but it didn't do well with the rocks in the ground, or the never ending trees as obstacles. Dante sighed, but it sounded odd to him. Had he heard himself correctly?

There was rustling again, in the trees parallel to where he sat. _Not another one?! You've got to be kidding me! _Dante raised one hand holding a gun in the direction of the noise as he leaned his head to the side. "Who's there?" He called.

At first there was nothing but darkness. The moon was high, but the light from the fire seemed to obscure his vision beyond the firelight. It cast everything into complete darkness. He did notice a faint light dancing by one of the trees though. It flickered in and out, and it seemed to be getting closer.

"I said who's there!" Dante growled, cocking his gun, ready for anything. Anything except the small child. Dante lowered the gun as she crossed into the circle of light his fire made. She looked very young. Eight or Nine maybe? She was holding onto a small lantern as she stared at him. Her face was dirty, and tear streaked as her large brown eyes looked at him in shock. Had she seen the scythe?

"Hey there." Dante said lowly, dropping his gun hand down to rest on his upright knee. The girl didn't speak, or blink for that matter. He wondered if she was traumatized. _Great. I'll probably get blamed for this too. _"You lost?"

After a moment the girl nodded and took a few steps closer. But as she drew equal to the fire she tensed up, looking in it. She skirted around it, never taking her eyes off the black pile of ash that burned there. He noticed she carried a back pack on her shoulders, because it made the same noise he had heard, when he'd sighed earlier, as it scraped against a tree.

"It won't get you" Dante sighed. Must he also play rescue tonight as well? The girl quickly edged over to where he was and sat beside him, staring into the fire. "Where are your parent's kid?" Dante asked, feeling a stitch in his side suddenly. He moved uncomfortably, trying his best to put the pain from his mind. The girl ignored his question, and instead walked curiously over to his other side where his wound was.

He watched her as she looked at it.

"You're hurt?" She asked him, her eyes looking up at him again inquisitively. He raised an eyebrow and sighed.

"Don't worry about it kid. It's not as bad as it looks. I'll be fine"

She picked up the bottle of alcohol he had set down at his side and she sniffed it. He quickly took it from her hands.

"You're too young for that"

"My sister's a doctor. She taught me stuff" She said, looking hopefully at him. Dante let out a small laugh. _I'm too old to be playing doctor. Well, at least with a kid this young. _

She stood up and before he could stop her she walked off into the darkness. _Damnit! Where the hell is she going to?_ But it didn't take long to find out. She had returned not long after with a small bottle in her hand. Again she sat her pack down and began rummaging through it. She brought out a first aid kid. Dante eyed the bottle in her hand.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Just water. There is a stream nearby that's pretty clear." She handed the bottle to him, and he just watched as she took out a small bottle of antibiotics, and some bandages. As she set to work Dante eyed the water bottle. Had she meant for him to drink it? Not a chance! He popped open the cap and poured it over his head, washing away the disgusting remnants of the Sin Scythe. She didn't stop him, but when he went to shake out his hair she laughed as droplets flew all over her.

"You like that, huh?" He smirked at her. Well, at least she wasn't looking so scared anymore. After a few minutes Dante felt the warmth of the bandage at his side. "Kind of lucky you were out here. Should heal much faster now." She nodded her head as she put stuff back into her pack.

"So, what are you doing out here so late kid?" Dante asked, leaning against the tree as she came to sit next to him again.

"My sister's sick, and because of the trucks not getting through we didn't have any medicine to give her." She leaned back against the tree.

"So, you thought it was a good idea to come into the very forest the "thing" lived in?" Dante gave her a withering look. Her eyes turned to him and she shook her head.

"I had read about alternative medicines. Herbs and stuff. Figured I'd be Ok in the daylight but..." She trailed off.

"Got lost, right?" Dante said sleepily. The fire was still going, and the heat it was giving off was making him tired. It was a lot easier to feel sleepy when you weren't covered in monster spawn.

"She told me to stay in, but I didn't realize how far in I was until I couldn't find my way back out." He felt her head slump against his arm.

"You should always listen to your big sister. Look what happened when you didn't." He smirked through closed eyed.

"Do you?" She asked.

"Do I what?" He asked, yawning.

"Listen to your big sister?"

"Lucky me, don't have one" He sighed, feeling himself nodding off.

"Brother then?" She pressed. Dante's eyes suddenly opened and he stared into the fire. It was much smaller now. He paused at her question and thought of Vergil. How long had it been since he'd called him big brother without a sarcastic tone? Too many years to count.

"It doesn't matter" He said. "You should always listen to what your big sister says. Would you be here now if you had? No, you would be in some warm pink bed, snuggling with a teddy bear rather than a grumpy guy like me..."

"Who smells" She added. He felt her laugh against him.

"Hey" He said slowly, looking down on her. Her eyes were closed and she was leaning against his arm. He lifted his arm from her grasp and flung it over her shoulder, allowing her to lean into the crook of his arm for the warmth that was in it. "Just go to sleep, brat."

As he felt her fall into sleep, Dante sat gazing long into the fire until there was nothing left but smoke and embers. By the time he did fall asleep the sun had already begun to appear, lighting the sky a bit as a chill of morning dew settled on the grass around them.

By the time the two of them had gotten up, and began walking back to the town Dante almost was sad to see the little brat go. _Almost. _After this he would take a scalding hot shower and get himself a big ass pizza at the town's expense.

"You know" The young girl began as they stopped outside of what he believed was her house. She turned to him. "You're not so bad"

"Uhh, thanks?" Was this supposed to be her thank you?

"I mean, you're not as grumpy as you played yourself out to be last night."

"Oh, you just caught me on a good day. What with the being covered in monster spit, dirt, and of course the gaping wound at my side." She watched him for a minute and then smirked. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug. Dante just shook his head at her.

"I'll go get my sister, she'll want to thank you" She said pulling from him before leaving him to go inside.

_Well, at least some good might come of this. _He hoped she was blonde haired and blue eyed. Or even better, a fiery red head. _Yeah... This might not me bad at all._

Caught up in his own fantasy it took him a minute to register that someone was tugging on his coat. He looked down to see the girl smiling up at him and at his side was... and old woman?!

"Sissy, this is..." She paused. "What's your name?"

Dante glared down at her for a moment and mumbled "Dante".

"Dante, this is Sissy. Sissy, Dante found me in the woods" She said cheerfully as she took the elderly ladies hand.

"I thought you said she was your sister?" Dante asked.

"She is. My mom married her dad, so it makes us sisters" She replied.

Dante snorted inwardly. _And how old was her dad, 120?_

"How can I ever _repay_ you, Mr. Dante?" The woman asked him, and Dante felt himself cringe as she gave him a small smirk. _Did she just wink at me? _

"Uhhhh, actually, I gotta go. Somewhere else. Now." He said, backing away.

"I thought you were going to stay in town for a few days?" The girl asked, giving him an odd look. Dante continued to walk backwards from them as her "sister" gave him a hopeful glance.

"No, I uhm, have something to do. Just remembered! Very important. Nice meeting you!" And with that he turned tail and began walking off to where his motorcycle was waiting to take him far far away from this place.

The young girl and her _grandmother _looked at one another and howled in laughter. The girl reached into her pocket and withdrew a small wad of money.

"Is that all he had on him?" The grandmother asked as they went to walk through the door. The girl pulled out two beautifully crafted guns from her bag and set them on the table.

"I wonder how long it takes him to realize I replaced his guns with fake ones" The young girl smiled up at her grandmother and giggled.

"That should teach him to stay away from our horses" She smirked.

**The End**


End file.
